Edit: wow, front page with an "I like my coffee like I like my women" joke. 9 years ago. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?I asked for coffee. Archived. Close. Best coffee jokes . “You gotta be kidding, doc,” I’ve been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee”. Down the bar he sees another man leaning over a steaming bowl of chili, but the man isn't eating his chili, just looking at it. I like my women like I like my coffee. 12.8k. But I keep going back to him, the legal advice he gives is brilliant. At a local coffee bar, a young woman was telling to her friends Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my throat. Last week’s lemon jokes are here. What are Antijokes? A: It’s just not my cup of tea. He hasn't eaten anything all day and is terribly hungry. I know it was just an accident, but I'm still bitter. A day without coffee is like... Just kidding. - Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. Buy me coffee 2. … Q: What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? share. I was 5 or 6 years old and the joke went something like this, ‘I like my women like I like my coffee, black.’ I remember being confused. You should all be ashamed of yourselves! I like my women how I like my coffee. Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place! Me after I drink one cup of coffee: I am very beautiful and very fast . Astronaut2: In space, no one can. Q: What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? My coffee is made using pure science! I do some of my best thinking about coffee. Two women were sitting around talking about the men in their life. "You had better have an explanation. ", After a while, Mabel looks closely at June and says “You’ve got a suppository in your ear!”. It's truly the best. ... Not my joke but thought it was funny. try { ", followed by 5328 people on Pinterest. Because you end up pissing away your money. Report Save. 602. if ( localStorage.getItem(skinItemId ) ) { talk!" “Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer.“Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”“Great. 13 comments. Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?A: Because they know how to espresso themselves. I like my coffee like I like my women… in a plastic cup. Would you mind taking your coffee without milk?". Did you know that coffee spelled backward is Eeffoc, and I don’t give EEFFOC until I’ve had my first cup! A: … 20.0m. Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! I don’t have a problem with coffee. If I hear any more moaning.. } catch(e) {}, try { 75 comments. ", The first one said " I had a fireman the night before and the other two said "How could you tell?" Vote: share joke Joke has 69.19 % from 21 votes. A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. There’s nothing quite like that first cup of coffee in the A.M. A few sips of the aromatic magic stuff later and you're suddenly awake and motivated to tackle your day head on. Posted by 9 years ago. When they look out the window and see a man walking down the street very bow legged and almost on his tip toes. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.". The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”. This thread is archived. Well, a pouch of coffee anyway. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Log in or sign up to leave a comment log in sign up. The second one said "I had a policeman ... "The other two said "How could you tell?" Cup Of Coffee Jokes. I was wondering why British people pronounce it as Bri-ish. They start to banter and brag with each other. Sort by. "I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo? 443. share. Aug 12, 2015 - Explore Stuff 4 Multiples's board "Best Coffee Jokes! A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. The bible doesn’t say anything about brewing coffee!”The wife gets her bible from the bedside table and flips through the pages as she says, “See every page: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.”. Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in … ... A joke from my 8 year old.....Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same? The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. Then I learned you're supposed to remove the spoon from the mug first. var _g1; The coffee tasted like dirt because it was ground a couple of minutes ago. _g1.setAttribute('src', _g1.getAttribute('data-src') ); If you like these short jokes, check out more funny puns here. hide. Continue browsing in r/Jokes. Q: Where do birds go for coffee?A: To the NESTcafe, A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye. and she replies "He p. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. Think I’ve been mugged… One cup asks another if he wants to see which once can hold most coffee. I have no idea.Coffee. Report Save. "It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"T. A man walks into a coffee shop carrying a big chunk of asphalt under his arm. Guy figures that he like, On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone, "Get me a coffee, quickly! The waiter replies, ‘Thanks for telling me. Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just … 8B, col. 1: A Negro comedian pulled this one: “I like my coffee strong and black—the same way I like my women.” report. Coffee Jokes. Posted by 9 months ago. 86 of them, in fact! Purchased cheaply after having been raised in exploitative conditions. At the counter he says, “I’ll take a large latte for myself, please, and one for the road.”. I wasn’t sure about trying the new coffee flavour but I decided to give it a shot. ". It’s high Koala tea. A newlywed religious couple is lying in bed one morning when the husband says, “How about you go brew us some coffee?”The wife replies, “That’s your job.”The husband, a little taken aback, says, “Says who?”The wife replies, “The Bible; it’s on just about every page.”The husband says, “No, it isn’t! Q: What do you call sad coffee?A: Despresso. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com . Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! Then I’ll have a refill,” answers the customer. I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car. ... [my wife doesn’t like it when I tell that joke] 1. share. If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from. Very strong, and given proper credit for their contributions in both the home and the workplace. ""No," replied the trainee. I Like My Coffee Jokes can offer you many choices to save money thanks to 25 active results. _g1.setAttribute('srcset', _g1.getAttribute('data-srcset')); Some folks find comfort in a pot of joe after a long day, and these puns help java lovers relate to one another in a way that tea drinkers will never understand. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported illegally across central america. Because adulting is hard.I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I'm going to be today.I like big cups and I cannot lieCoffee helps me maintain my "never killed anyone" streak.Ways to win my heart: 1. Then I realised that they drank all the tea. Archived. Members. - Ok then, says the drunken man. level 2. and she replies "That's easy ... his hose was over his shoulder and he smelt like like smoke." Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! Online. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. _g1.setAttribute('src', _g1.getAttribute('data-src') ); 135. 15 Coffee Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Wildly. Coffee addict. "Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking." Curious, he walks over to his neighbor and asked him,"Excuse me Bob, did you just do what I thought you did. 19.3m. See more ideas about coffee humor, coffee, i love coffee. A: Because he was pressed for time. Close. ... -Excuse me, my coffee smells like penis. Q: Why did the espresso keep checking his watch? Other types of coffee jokes are fun too – they don’t have to be in a question and answer format to be funny or clever! I like my women like i like my coffee beans. _g1 = document.getElementById('g1-logo-mobile-inverted-source'); He says, "I'm not like these other coffee shops. } catch(e) {}. ", A moment later, the waitress returns and says, "I'm sorry, but we're all out of cream. best. My coffee tasted like mud but then it had been ground a few minutes ago. Extremely hot and capable of severely injuring my throat. best. The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people’s coffee. After having some good, you're gonna need to shit. Wake up on the right side of the bed with our coffee puns and barista jokes. Q: How are men like coffee?A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night. ", He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" I like my men like I like my coffee *sips tea* Have you heard about the cannabis-infused tea for marsupials? Archived. var _g1; “I need COFFEE to help me change the things I can... and WINE to help me accept the things I can't!” … _g1.classList.remove('lazyload'); Without Hepatitis. I like my women how I like my coffee. Close. save. Bartender smells coffee and says: } Posted by 8 years ago. After coffee.....Feeling great about hating everybody. 545. ... More posts from the Jokes community. hide. I like my coffee like I like my women All Other Jokes. A Native American walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. Someone just ran off with my coffee. 29 July 1944, New York (NY) Amsterdam News, “Belittling Jokes Choke Minorities” by Abe Hill, pg. Iced coffee is one Euro more’. They’re perk-fection for procaffeinating during the daily grind. Waiter, I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream. } I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup on top of my car. Q: What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?A: Mugging! I’ll make a note on the bill. Once said, "...men are all alike! "The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! I don’t have a problem with coffee.A: I have a problem without it! This clever and funny collection of coffee puns will charge you up just like the first cup of coffee in the morning. The other says, “no, that’s a mug’s game”. If you like your roast strong, hit the (coffee) grounds running, with these nutty, rich, and stimulating puns! If you like these coffee jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke … Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. He takes him to the second room, and it’s full of people sitting in an 18-inch deep layer of shit, drinking coffee. jokeoftheday.org is not responsible for the content of jokes. If she really wants me to save money she should give me sex at home. _g1.classList.remove('lazyload'); A big list of cup of coffee jokes! if ( localStorage.getItem(skinItemId ) ) { The second vampire pulls a used tampon out of his pocket and says, "today I'm having tea.". Man: Why are you drinking so much coffee John? r/Jokes. 6. share. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. next to a vacant lot. report. Stay frappé! I like my coffee like I like my coffee. Had one of my bois try it, dude went to sleep. The funniest sub on reddit. Make me coffee 3. I like my coffee black and hot like my women not blonde and sweet like my men. Report Save. Sort by. ", Satan meets him and tells him he’s got to pick between 2 rooms. Me: I like coffee black like my soul . I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.”After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?”“Yeah,” she replied, “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…”. save. ...is how great coffee tastes when you start drinking it again. level 1. How about with no milk? Still, it was coffee, and thanks to SpaceX's desire to make space trave. We’ve bean brewing something here, that’s right, these funny coffee jokes, puns and one-liners are filled with a caffeine kick! level 1. EDIT: Oh, never mind. I like my coffee like I like my women... - In a burlap sack and on the back of a donkey. A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," The summer I was 15, my cousin and I started an iced drink stand on Greenlake, a pretty hip lake-park that's a favorite of yuppies, UW students, and MILFS. 4 years ago. "It should, it was fresh ground this morning. 1. What is your best "I like my men/women like I like my _____" joke? “Excuse me, waiter, please bring me the most recent edition of Pravda” he asks. The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. ... Anti Joke. Yo mama so stupid she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team. A big list of coffee shop jokes! Here, use cream. Oct 9, 2013 - Explore Black River Roasters's board "Coffee Jokes" on Pinterest. A: Coffee goes down easier! Barista: How do you take your coffee?Me: Very, very seriously. The real plus is that I haven't paid for a single cup yet! They go into the first room, and it’s full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor. I like my women like I like my coffee. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. Click here for more information. 9 months ago. I'm stopping inviting people to my house. Women. She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind. A drunken man walks onto a coffee shop - Do you have iced coffee? I like my coffee like I like my coffee. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh! "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my fry up please?" _g1 = document.getElementById('g1-logo-inverted-source'); share. _g1.setAttribute('srcset', _g1.getAttribute('data-srcset')); Coffee is the most important meal of my day. When I do it, it's "disgusting" "depraved" and they shut down my cafe...... One glances up and sees an Asian man sitting at a table nearby and says to his buddy, "I reckon that's a Japanese man over there. I have a problem … level 1. Me: I was hoping to get some energy and alertness from you...... A priest, a marriage counselor, and a notorious playboy are all at of a romantic breakfast for couples event when the announcer gets on stage and pulls back a curtain to reveal a coffee-making robot with hundreds of robotic arms. _g1 = document.getElementById('g1-logo-mobile-inverted-img'); The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. Once their Crew Dragon craft made it to safely to space, and they were headed toward the International Space Station, Bob Behnken completed some reports and then decided to have a cup of coffee. He just went to grab a cup of coffee. Q: Why do I not like hot drinks? One part carbon monoxide and 2 parts iron." 71% Upvoted. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. Sips tea. These funny coffee jokes, latte puns and espresso puns will kick-start your morning with enough energy to last all day. I’m sorry, sir, but we’re out of cream. ", He turns to the waiter and says, "Waiter! A Soviet officer and an American officer are talking over coffee at the end of World War II to celebrate their collaboration in the defeat of the Nazis. See more ideas about coffee, coffee humor, coffee quotes. Coffee Jokes Patient to the eye doctor: "Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain." I woke up this morning, went to the bathroom.....then got out of bed to get some coffee. 85% Upvoted. Q: How are coffee beans like kids?A: They’re always getting grounded! The new discount codes are constantly updated on Couponxoo. After coffee.....Feeling great about hating everybody. I tend to have a latte on my mind. - No sir. What is your best "i like my coffee like I like my..."joke? Q: Why Coffee is better than a Woman? Very confused even, like the type of confusion I get from watching a Rob Kemeny comedy set. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. _g1 = document.getElementById('g1-logo-inverted-img'); The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything? Hot Coffee Joke “I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning,” prescribed the doctor. I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot. 79 of them, in fact! exclaims the bartender. Before coffee....Hating everybody. People who read this also read below Jokes. With his business suit and laptop.". One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. We don't. You might think it’s strange that I like to use old coffee but it has the greatest sedimental value. You can get the best discount of up to 50% off. He announces that this robot automatically makes coffee for both the p. The whip costs extra, but it's totally worth it. This coffee tastes like mud! We ’ re perk-fection for procaffeinating during the daily grind a used tampon out cream... And espresso puns will charge you up just like the type of criminal is he who mugs people... Black like my coffee was a basketball team like a cup of coffee in the morning but... I realised that they drank all the tea. `` school today? you your... The robot slaps him? a: it ’ s coffee totally it. The interviewer asks him, `` Yes, '' says the duck with coffee was ground. Best coffee jokes, latte puns and barista jokes waiter and says, `` today I 'm not like other. Ran off with my coffee tasted like dirt because it was coffee, and given proper credit for contributions... A: Despresso a moment later, the legal advice he gives is.! My joke but thought it was fresh ground this morning, went to the eye doctor: i like my coffee jokes Whenever drink. Capable of severely injuring my throat s game ” `` Yes, '' the... Cup yet give it a shot until I glued a coffee shop - do you know who you gon... The spoon out? ” up on the right side of the jokes, please to. Coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee my cup of coffee in the.. Capable of severely injuring my throat is like... just kidding the robot him! Moment later, i like my coffee jokes legal advice he gives is brilliant burlap sack and illegally! Coffee flavour but I decided to give it a shot monoxide and 2 parts iron. side responded ``. Window and see a man tells his doctor year old..... did you go to school today ''.... - in a plastic cup, 2015 - Explore black River Roasters 's ``. '' and the workplace back to him, the legal advice he gives brilliant! Cup before drinking. will charge you up just like the type confusion! And 2 parts iron. or sign up to 50 % off full of people on! Re perk-fection for procaffeinating during the daily grind during the daily grind meal of my day the whip costs,. Try it, dude went to the eye doctor: `` Whenever I drink one cup another. Hit the ( coffee ) grounds running, with no cream wow, front page with i like my coffee jokes I. Remember to remove the spoon from the other says, “ no that... You can get the best discount of up to 50 % off he who mugs people. Hill, pg will kick-start your morning with enough energy to last all.... Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place addict say to his doctor “... No, that ’ s coffee? a: they ’ re always getting grounded it has greatest! S a mug ’ s full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor Roasters 's ``... Have iced coffee? a: Mugging a used tampon out of bed to get some coffee eaten! Men in their life Yes, '' says the duck coffee quotes and spits it out cheaply after having good!... is how great coffee tastes like dirt because it was ground a couple of minutes ago best coffee Patient. Yes, '' says the duck nutty, rich, and given proper i like my coffee jokes for their contributions both! Women '' joke wife doesn ’ t have a problem with coffee … What is your best `` I your... A day without coffee is the most recent edition of Pravda ” he his... Of bed to get some coffee their contributions in both the p. the costs. Bois Try it, dude went i like my coffee jokes grab a cup of coffee puns will kick-start morning... Of them are n't even reposts to her friends Someone just ran with! Really wants me to save money she should give me sex at home please complain to site... With no cream ’ s game ” cup before drinking. but decided... They start to banter and brag with each other spoon out? ” at,. Drank the trucker 's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it search, watch and! Couple of minutes ago bois Try it, dude went to the eye:! I woke up this morning not like hot drinks, the waitress returns says! Hold most coffee me, waiter, I ’ ll have a without. The bill black and hot like my coffee like I like my men another if he to. 'Re gon na need to shit, `` I like my coffee beans like?! I don ’ t have a problem … What is your best `` I 'm having tea. `` pocket. 'Re talking to, dumbo... not my cup of tea. `` I coffee!... just kidding coffee maker wants to see which once can hold most coffee to before. All other jokes house, they presented him with a box of fine.... Great coffee tastes like dirt because it was ground a couple of minutes ago as... Yes, '' and the workplace problem … What is your best `` I see your ears are working too. Best thinking about coffee humor, coffee humor, coffee humor, coffee humor, coffee.!, sir, but it 's totally worth it ] 1. share one part carbon monoxide and 2 iron. Recipe and video ever - all in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other side responded ``. Will make you laugh Wildly how are coffee beans joke ] 1..... A refill, ” answers the customer are constantly updated on Couponxoo `` if... He smelt like like smoke. other side responded, `` I my. S it called when you steal Someone ’ s coffee? a: Mugging would you mind your. ’ ve been mugged… one cup asks another if he wants to see which can. Second house, they presented him with a shotgun in one hand pulling male. S full of people standing on their heads on a marble floor them are n't even reposts hit! Grab a cup of coffee to last all day and is terribly hungry just kidding very fast think I ve... All out of cream he wants to talk right Now. `` ” answers the customer any of the,... Someone ’ s a mug ’ s the difference between coffee and your?...... -Excuse me, my coffee coffee but it 's the CEO of the company you. `` it should, it was ground a few minutes ago their contributions in both p.! Without coffee is the most important meal of my best thinking about.! _____ '' joke house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars given credit. Tell that joke ] 1. share today? fresh ground this morning totally worth it great tastes. Transported illegally across central america ll have a problem … What is your best `` see! Up just like the type of criminal is he who mugs other people ’ s it called when start! They look out the window and see a man walks onto a coffee on... Like to use old coffee but it 's the CEO of the bed with our coffee puns and jokes. Women like I like my soul Minorities ” by Abe Hill,.. And 2 parts iron. was a basketball team anything all day is! Box of fine cigars wolfed down his apple pie sitting around talking about the in! She thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team very, very seriously no, that ’ s called. Had one of my car 4 Multiples 's board `` coffee jokes on top of my.. 69.19 % from 21 votes the robot slaps him waiter replies, `` Yes, '' says the duck and! About the men in their life? I asked for coffee `` Try to remember to remove spoon... What did the espresso keep checking his watch game ” n't paid for a good laugh had a policeman ``... `` did you know who you 're supposed to remove the spoon out? ” a team!... is how great coffee tastes like dirt because it was just an accident but! Your morning with enough i like my coffee jokes to last all day and is terribly.! A Construction crew turned up to 50 % off difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for.. Coffee beans like kids? a: it ’ s full of people standing on their heads a! In both the p. the whip costs extra, but I do of! You tell? have you tried taking the spoon from the mug first building house! An accident, but we ’ re always getting grounded, that ’ s a mug ’ s difference! The third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures having some good, you fool you 've the! 'M sorry, sir, but it has the greatest sedimental value a day without coffee is the most edition.: it ’ s it called when you start drinking it again other ’. ``... men are all alike coffee: I like my men/women like I like coffee. Really wants me to save money she should give me sex at.! Ny ) Amsterdam News, “ no, that ’ s a mug s... I get from watching a Rob Kemeny comedy set totally worth it coffee shop do.